Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Emails...

A break from Christmas posts...

I found this in my spam folder today.

Dear Sir/Madam, (This person doesn't know if I'm a he or a she or an it).

Would u like to work online from Home/Temporarily and get paid weekly? (Personally, I would, I would even like to get paid for goofing off, which is likely to happen if I worked from home).

We are glad to offer you a job position at our company, HERITAGE
TEXTILES AND FABRICS. We need someone to work for the company as a
Representative/Book keeper (You don't want me for a bookkeeper because I'm not so good in math) in the USA AND CANADA. This is as a result
of not having an office presently in the U.S.A.AND CANADA You dont
need to have an Office and this certainly wont disturb any form of
work you have going at the moment. (DARN!!!! I want to quit my present job).

The Company produces the following varieties of clothing materials:-
batiks, assorted fabrics for interior decor, silk and traditional
costumes which we have clients we supply weekly in the USA.

the fact is we plan on moving over to the u.s.a and to have our
permanent office .but in the meantime,we are expected to finish every
paper work we have with the U.S internal revenue which is basically
taking us some time and other paper work that is being required of us. (Hmmmm, seems fishy).

We have decided to open this new job position for solving this
problem. Our integrated yarn and fabric manufacturing operations use
state-of-the-art textile equipment from the world's leading suppliers.
Order processing, production monitoring and process flow is seamlessly
integrated through a company-wide computer network.

* The average monthly income is about $4,000.00 USD.
* No form of investments from you.
* This job takes only 1-3 hours per day (getting fishier If it's too good to be true....)

About The Job:
We have sales representatives all over the world to distribute our
products.
You know, that it's not easy to start a business in a new market being
the US). There are hundreds of competitors, close direct contacts
between suppliers and customers and other difficulties, which impede
our sales promotion.
We have decided to deliver the products upfront, it's very risky but it
should push up sales on 25 percent. (Risky huh?)

Thus we need to get payments for our products as soon as it possible.
Unfortunately we are unable to open Bank Accounts in the United US
without first registering the company name and preparing logistics for
warehousing and integrated shipment. (This doesn't sound right)

Presently with the amount of Orders we have, we cannot put them on
hold. For fear of loosing the customers out rightly. Secondly we
cannot cash these payments from the US soon enough, as international
Checks take about 14 working days for cash to be made available.

We lose about 75,000 USD of net income each month because we have money
transfer delays* (AHA! A catch)

Your task is to coordinate payments from customers and help us with the
payment process. You are not involved in any sales. Once orders are
received and sorted we deliver the product to a customer (usually
through (FEDEX). (How does this person know I won't take the money and run?)

About 90 percent of our customers prefer to pay through Certified
Checks and Money orders based on the amount involved.while some prefer
to pay through direct deposit or wire into your provided account

Your tasks are;
1. Receive payment from Customers
2. Cash Payments at your Bank
3. Deduct 10% which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed
4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the
offices you will be contacted to send payment to.
(Payment is to forwarded either by Money Gram or Western Union Money
Transfer).

www.westernunion.com
www.moneygram.com

Local Money transfers take barely hours, so it will give us a
possibility to get customer's payment almost immediately.
For example you've got 3000.00US You take your income: 300.00 USD
Send to us: 2700.00 USD

First month you will have 15-20 transactions on 3000.00-4000.00 USD So
you may calculate your income.

For example 18 transactions on 3000.00 USD gives you 5400.00 USD Plus
your basis monthly salary is 1000.00 USD Total: 6400.00 USD per month

After establishing a close co-operation with us you'll be able to
operate with larger orders and you'll be able to earn more.

Our payments will be issued out in your name and you can have them
cashed in your bank or other Cashing Services.
Deduct your weekly salary and forward the balance to the company via
western union money transfer or money gram money transfer.

We understand that this is an incredible job position. This job
takes only 3-7 hours per week. You'll have a lot of free time doing
another job, you'll get good income and regular job. But this job is
very challenging and you should understand its requirements. We are
looking only for the worker who satisfy our requirements and will be a
serious assistant.

We are glad to offer this job position to you. If you feel that you
are a serious worker and you want to work for HERITAGE Textiles
Company Kindly indicate interest by replying this mail. You will then
be furnished with the necessary materials to commence operations.

YOU can CALL ME ON THIS NUMBER XXXXXXXXXXXX

ONLY SERIOUS AND INTERESTED APPLICANTS/WORKERS SHOULD PLEASE REPLY
N.B..reply along with your informations so as to commence at work
position immediately.

NAME..................................

ADDRESS...............................

PHONE ................................

CELL .................................

EMAIL ADDRESS.........................

AGE ..................................

GENDER................................

M.STATUS..............................

COUNTRY...............................

STATE ................................

CITY..................................

ZIPCODE...............................

My Contact Address
I erased it.


YOURS FAITHFULLY
Mr David Moore


My Comments: How does he know I'm an honest person? What does he really know about me? This just sounds too fishy.

This lamb was not born yesterday.

40 comments:

/t. said...

well,
technically,
little lamb...

today is still tuesday, and WERE born on monday...

/t.

carmen said...

well, i was born yesterday...
when can i start my job ?? :)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I think I once received a similar email. I can’t be sure, but since most originate in Africa and this one doesn’t seem to…

There was a time I was so desperate to work that I may have been tempted to give this a try. Actually, it’s probably no more dishonest that the insurance company I ended up working for.

Lexcen said...

All scams are designed to appeal to people's greed. If this offer sounds too good to be true, then it is.

Pink said...

Well Lambie and Nick - you could look forward to a career as an international money launderer if you take this job. Which means you could also look forward to federal indictment and 25 years in the federal penitentiary.

Steer clear of anyone asking you to take money and transfer it. This is money laundering.

xx
pinks
(Chartered Accountant at large)

Little Lamb said...

/t. I was born on a Monday.

Carmen, you can start right now.

SSN, I was desparate for a job too at one time. It does sound like an easy job.

Lex, it sounds too easy.

Pink, I don't want to go to the penitentiary.

puerileuwaite said...

So does this mean that you WON'T lovingly wash, iron and fold the $100 bills I was planning on sending your way? Darn.

Okay, "Plan-B" it is, then: take them to Strip Clubs and use the "body sweat" method of getting the wrinkles out.

Ruela said...

take a break ;)

carmen said...

thanks, ruela, i take a break first...

/t. said...

i'll
take a
break fast

bacon & eggs in a frypan

to go

/t.

Ruela said...

;)

Little Lamb said...

Pug, for you, I'll wash, dry, and iron your $100 bills.

Ruela, Ok, I'll take a break. I could use one.

/t. I dunno.

..................... said...

if i were you, i'd stick with the job where your coworkers are constantly watching the clock..

/t. said...

you
mean
you won't
make me breakfast?

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

Little Lamb said...

..........., I plan to. At least for now. We have our clock privileges back, by the way.

/t. Was I supposed to make you breakfast? I thought you just wanted the ingredients for it.

Ruela said...

breakfast in bed ;))

Little Lamb said...

Why, yes Ruela, I will have breakfast in bed. Thanks for offering.

/t. said...

come
over to
mey next bbq
and you can be
breakfast in bed

<HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> !!!
<HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> !!!
<HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> !!!
<HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> !!!
<HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> <HA> !!!

/t.

Little Lamb said...

No, that's quite all right. But you may come over here and serve me breakfast in bed, if you like. ;-)

Serena Joy said...

Makes you wonder, doesn't it? It's certainly not on the up and up. The "Mr." in the signature is a big red flag.:)

I love that new avatar.

Pink said...

dear Sir and Madman,
I would also like breakfast in bed!

I'll pay you $4,000 a month to serve it to me.

Unfortunately I only have these Congalese money orders. You won't mind depositing them at your bank will you? They are worth so much more than your $1.99 Grand Slammer breakfast...perhaps you can just bring me the change? In US Dollars, please?

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Dudley Dowrong

Little Lamb said...

Serena, It does make one wonder.

Pink, Can I have some of those too? We can offer them to /t. and get breakfast served in bed.

..................... said...

i didn't know that they made lamb bacon..

Little Lamb said...

lamb bacon?

carmen said...

i get breakfast served in kitchen

Skunkfeathers said...

Little Lamb: I don't know when you were born, but I know this: you smelt out a bad 'un.

I have been playing with these kind of emailers for several years; I thoroughly pissed off one Kelly Ko (of Kelly Ko Fabrics & Textiles) with the very same scam job offer.

Had you signed on, you would have received some money orders in the mail; you would have deposited them as instructed (as some poor fools have), keeping a percentage of each, and sending on via Western Union or Money Gram to some person of dubious antecedence in either Africa or Great Britain. And a week later, your bank would have notified you that the money orders were fraudulent, and you owed for the full amounts of them. Badda boom badda phfft.

But you were smarter than that ;)

Any unsolicited online job offers are of this nature. I have some trophies from one, and a couple death threats from others ;) I a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Skunk.

Ruela said...

Connected In Heart

How do you know me
I asked him once more
We live oceans apart
Upon a different shore

How do you know me
Upon a screen I appear
You say you can tell
If I’m shedding a tear

How do you know me
Is it my mind you read
Soulmates telepathy
Know the other’s need

How do you know me
You never felt my skin
Was it conversations
It gave us feelings akin

How do you know me
We each live far apart
Then came his answer
We connected in heart

Little Lamb said...

Carmen, that's no fun.

Skunkfeathers, I love your screen name. Thank you for stopping by and telling me what would happen if I did that get rich quick job. With that job I would have gone broke.

Ruela, Are you flirting with me? I like the poem.

Ruela said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Little Lamb said...

Merry Christmas to you, my friend.

/t. said...

WOOLY
CHRISTMAS
LITTLE LAMB
AND THE PASTURE

             *
            <3
          <3<3
        <3<3<3
      <3<3<3<3
    <3<3<3<3<3
  <3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
/t.

Little Lamb said...

Thank you, /t.

<3

The Phosgene Kid said...

Glad our little lamb wasn't shorn. I receive all sorts of great deals daily and pass them by.

Happy X-mas LL!!!

Little Lamb said...

I'm not stupid. :-)

Merry and Happy Christmas to you, too Phos!

carmen said...

To LL and Ruela

I tear off
your feelings
I scratch and feel
your skin
and read the letters
so round

we are soulmates
on distant shores
oh, so distant in the sky
and can't you see
I’m a screen
that feeds on
shadows
yours and his and hers

telepathy
in white and black
is cheap, my friend,
a speck

my Heart is open there
upon the screen
a meager blood-red dot
against the shores of
a far-off
and
multi-dotted sea

:):):)

Ruela said...

thank you Carmen

now for you

I Wish...

I Wish...

I Could Stretch Out My Arms...

Across The Many Miles...

And Give You A Big Hug!!!


;)))

Little Lamb said...

Thank you, Carmen.

Thank you for your poem, too, Ruela.

mutleythedog said...

Have a very happy Christmas Ms Lamb and take care and be happy!!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

So now you're stealing one of my old posts?? Great.

Little Lamb said...

Mutleythedog, Ms. Lamb?

Mighty Dyderson, I thought you only got the other kind. Had I known you got one like this, I would have responded the way you did.